Wednesday, May 29, 2013

My Mr. Carter

It's been a while...It's hard to know where to open...I feel like I'm been in a daze of chemo, medication, nausea, sleep and all in between there tons of love and support, that wraps me up like a baby. I'm definitely taken care of in so many ways...so many wonderful ways. But I really can't say enough, about my man Daniel...but let me just paint a picture for you (as it literally makes me tear up, typing his love for me, and how he shows it). 

Not a day goes by regardless of how bad I look or feel that he doesn't hug me and kiss my head telling me this is just a "test" and I'm "passing". He continues to pray with me and for me and shares amazing gospel songs (that get stuck in my head for days) to encourage me through the word. He's there. And when I mean he's there...he sets his alarm every 4 hours to make sure I'm taking my medications. Around the clock-no complaints. And after each session of medication- he hugs me and I hug him, and say "I love you....Thank you baby." There's a very genuine love we have for each other, that is getting stronger through this journey. They say "...through thick and thin, & in sickness and in health..." but you don't expect to start your marriage life that way? We are not yet engaged,but in spirit we are far beyond becoming one in Jesus. He's truly my other half and I know and believe that with all my soul. I long for the day to become, Mrs. Carter.

He helps my mom around the house-does the simple things that help-like load the dishwasher, or pick up an area that needs attending. He's helpful with both girls, making sure they are on top of there homework, but spends quality time with them playing board games and making them laugh. It's a balance we've needed for so long. I've never been one to get so emotional over someone loving me...but when you see how dedicated and how real he is about loving me and being here for me, it's emotional. Everyone of my family that has been here over the past month, has left, sending me a text about what a stand up man he is, and how they are so happy he's in my life...it's so obvious he loves you and we are so happy you have him.

We try to watch movies (in/out of my chemo coma's, but regardless of what I need-he's there ready to be with me and spend time with me. The other day we just went and sat outside on the deck, to get some fresh air, and it was lovely. Being with him does something to my soul. God knows who you're soul is supposed to be paired up with...and when that match happens...you "just know".

Daniel you continue to amazing me. You're selfless and amazing. Each time you come to my room I'm so thankful to see your face and have you hold my hand to take each medication. You sit on the edge of my bed making sure I'm okay before you lay back down. There are not to many words that can express my love for you baby. But I can't wait to celebrate the rest of our lives together, so I can show you. We have so much to live for and each day of me getting better, draws us closer to our lives together. We all need you. I see the kids happier with you here as well- their attitudes and sense of well-being is better to have you protecting us. You are showing them what a real man is...one that takes care of his family, not by just working, but by loving and showing us all love.

The way you interact with my family is amazing as well. Always willing to lend an ear or a helping hand. I appreciate you Papa Bear so much. Always know that, & never forget it.


I love you more, than all the waves of the sea....Mama Bear

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Chem-OH-therapy

What is chemotherapy? 

Chemotherapy (also called chemo) is a type of cancer treatment that uses drugs to destroy cancer cells.

How does chemotherapy work? 

Chemotherapy works by stopping or slowing the growth of cancer cells, which grow and divide quickly. But it can also harm healthy cells that divide quickly, such as those that line your mouth and intestines or cause your hair to grow. Damage to healthy cells may cause side effects. Often, side effects get better or go away after chemo is over.

What does chemotherapy do?

Depending on your type of cancer and how advanced it is, chemo can 
  • Cure cancer- when chemo destroys cancer cells to the point that your doctor can no longer detect them in your body and they will not grow back. (This is what God is going to do, CURE ME, in Jesus mighty NAME!) 
  • Control cancer-keeps cancer from spreading, slows its growth, or destroys cancer cells that have spread to other parts of your body.
  • Ease cancer symptoms-shirnks tumors that are causing pain or pressure


How is chemotherapy used?

Sometimes, chemo is used as the only cancer treatment. But more often, you will get chemotherapy along with surgery, radiation therapy, or biological therapy. Chemo can:
  • Make a tumor smaller before surgery or radiation therapy. This is called neo-adjuvant chemotherapy.
  • Destroy cancer cells that may remain after surgery or radiation therapy. This is called adjuvant chemotherapy (My cancer was removed on 4.24, so this is the type of chemo I will receive, to destroy any cancer cells that may remain.)
  • Help radiation therapy and biological therapy work better.
  • Destroy cancer cells that have come back (recurrent cancer) or spread to other parts of your body (metastatic cancer).
How does my your doctor decide which chemotherapy drug to use?
  • The type of cancer you have. Some types of chemo drugs are used for many types of cancer. Other drugs are used for just one or two types of cancer. (I received a Muger heart test to show that my heart is healthy. From a surgical standpoint I'm healing very well- even though I have massive nerve damage/pain- this does not delay starting chemo...due to the type of cancer I had removed (which was a very aggressive one) they do not want to delay treatment.)
  • Whether you have had chemotherapy before.
  • Whether you have other health problems, such as diabetes or heart disease. 


Where do you go for chemotherapy?

I will have my treatments at Providence Regional Cancer Partnership in Everett, WA
My doctor and nurse will watch for any side effects and make any needed drug changes, if necessary. I can have visitors during treatments, and bring snacks since my treatments will take 2-3 hrs per visit.

How of often will you receive chemotherapy?

Treatment schedules for chemo vary widely. How often and long you get chemo depends on:
  • Your type of cancer and how advanced (My diagnosis was: Breast cancer, Stage IIIA, left infiltrating ductal cancer)
  • The goals of treatment (TO CURE)
  • The type of chemotherapy
  • How your body reacts to chemotherapy

I'm receiving chemo in two phases:

Phase one: Adriamycin + Cytoxan every two weeks for 4 treatments
(after each treatment I will return the following day, to get an injection to help increase my white blood cells count)

Phase Two: Taxol weekly for 12 weeks

How is Chemotherapy given?

I will have intravenous (IV) there the chemotherapy goes directly in my vein. I received a power port during surgery (placed under my skin that they will use to draw blood, give IV, and use for chemo treatments)

I will be undergoing chemo until October of 2013-I will have 4 weeks off after completing the treatments, before I start radiation therapy.

There are a ton of side effects to chemotherapy & each drug has different side effects. The most common are: (yet I plan on not having any of these!! Thank you Jesus!)
  • Low blood count
  • hair loss (People say I have a cute face, and this shouldn't be a problem lol)
  • fatigue
  • nausea (I have 6 different anti-nausea medications to use during treatment!!)
  • loss of appetite
  • diarrhea
  • stomach pain
  • changes in skin color/nail color
  • missed menstrual periods
  • mouth sores
  • red or watery eyes (Only Adriamycin)
  • red colored urine (Only Adriamycin)
  • bone pain (Taxol)
  • sweating (Taxol)
  • muscle or joint pain (Taxol)
There are many warning signs to advice the doctor and lists of things to watch for during treatment. I have a 24hr on-call line to receive medical advise and/or attention. One main side effect is watching for fever. If my temperature goes above 100.5 then I have to call in right away before taking a fever reducer. This is due to infection and they will monitor this very closely.

How will I feel after chemotherapy?

It affects people in different ways. How you feel depends on how healthy you before treatment, your type of cancer, how advance it was, and the kind of chemo you're getting. Some people do not feel well right after chemotherapy. The most common side effect is fatigue, feeling exhausted and worn out. Doctors & nurses cannot know for certain how I will feel during chemo.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Continue to Pray for me during this time. I'm still healing from surgery (3 weeks post-op this week), and I'm suffering from severe nerve damage and restricted range of motion. I started physical therapy last week and have already completed 3 sessions. Peggy said I'm getting better each time, but it's very painful and difficult. I have to be able to put my arm overhead for radiation, so getting my range of motion back is very important. 

I continue to pray all throughout the day. Some days I'm more emotional then others, but I trust God will bring me through. I'm thankful for my loving family and friends- always encouraging me! God sends me a smile everyday in some way, shape or form. I love the LORD for that!! He's always watching out for me, and he remembers to make me smile.

I need more SLEEP! I just have been taking naps here and there- ever since surgery due to pain, it's very hard for me to fall asleep. Pray for the pain to decrease and my sleep in increase. I long to be comfortable. Thank you for all your prayers, they do work! 

I'm loving how many people are now saying "Fight! Pray! Win! It's so encouraging:) I see so many wearing the wristbands and T-shirts- It makes my heart smile. It's now a movement that will continue even after I'm cured to help encourage others. It's 5:06am so I'm going to ice my shoulder and try to get an hour of sleep...God Bless! 

Fight. Pray. Win.

XO

Nicole

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Sound the alarm



Trapped in my skin-
Pain bleeds down my
Stitches if you could 
Hear the screams within-
Each breath breaks glass, 
Fast, like cars speeding
over the Overpass
I'd PASS
on this felony at large-
I'd PASS
on this death row charge!
Each tumor was sweatin'
All 15 enlarged, life threatenin'
Surgeon's came in blastn'
Them out of my arm-
Sound the alarm
Handicapp'n
Caps in hands and
Hands smashin' 
things that sting-LOUD
Rage against the machine
I'm onto the next scene
Tumors fall down dead
We have the victory-no tears shed
No way to get my veins-
No more ball & chains 
No more mental strains
Just biopsy boxes- unclean
with labels of toxic green
No more oxygen to increase
The lean on me-
No more power to devour me
Surgeon's Decapitate each
Cancerous Enemy
No strings attached
And I'm detached from 
My tissue
Eliminating disease
My left breast 
But not my left chest
Stands proud
Although indents 
Of my Existence remain
I faint at the sight
of my resistance 
I thank God-
for the scars & stitches
Cancer is gone 
Even my left armpit 
Still sweats
But not from Fear
Hair still grows there
It looks unfair
For my body to be compared
I do care- 
I scream at my tears
I scream at my marks
But they can't blind my eyes dark
Pill after Pill 
I refill- & Holy Water spills
Overflowing grace that I can feel
My mouth that tastes like medical bills
How many milligrams of numb at 2pm?
Then 40 milligrams of numb at Noon?
Okay, That's cool-
I'm sitting here in a 
Square, naked bare
Pressed up against the wall
Pain hard to Bare
I'll sit here pressed up
Against my hair 
soon to fall 
Beneath the chair-
Peace fills me because
God's hands cover my 
Body's unfamiliar flare
No Complaints
All Praise-
God's plans better days
than these days of pain
Down here-
My eyes see haze
& sometimes I hallucinate 
Seeing a shadow of pain 
That follows me-
I'm sooooo sleepy
I dream of my reality
them my arm is my alarm 
waking me at 12:03
My neck itches
Each hour passes
My badge of honor heals
yes, my port under my skin
And the scars within
is my medal to show 
that I WILL WIN! 
Time constraints 
As I lay awake-
I pray to God 
for a good night's sleep 
Please arrive & please stay
Because, honestly 
I've really got
Nothin' left to say.

3:29am 

XO

Nicole 

Thank you Kels!

Huge S/O to my good friend, Kels, Thank you girl for putting the website together 
& getting the "Fight. Pray. Win." T-shirts together! Visit: www.fightpraywin.com 




YOU ROCK GIRL-LOVE YOU:) Hoodies exclusive club!
YOU SO FLY, SO FLY-Y-Y-Y-Y TAE!
LEE LEE STUN'N ON EM! WHERE'S J.SMITH AT? LOL.
I LOVE MY HOODIE-NEED SHOES TO MATCH:)
LOVE MY FAMILIA REP'N 4 ME:)
BLACK & WHITE


Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Cancer be GONE! All 15 tumors.

Your final pathology shows that you had at least 9 separate tumor nodules involving the left breast. The largest, which was what we could feel was 2.7cm 

Malignant neoplasm of breast (female)

There were 6 positive lymph nodes, the largest of which was 4.1cm
The stage is Stage IIIA, pT2 (m) pN2a cMO, left infiltrating ductal cancer
The margins are negatives, which is good news.

The swelling at the upper chest area is part of the expected healing process.
Sleep with the head of bed partly elevated. Place gentle pressure in the area with in ACE wrap. Followed up with Dr. Wang today (Medical Oncologist) & will call Cascade to start physical therapy prior to starting Chemo treatments.

Dr.Soriano  

  • 5.1 Karin- Removed my Drains 
  • (in office- Daniel almost pasted out! lol. He said, "...I wasn't ready for all that!" I guess they were long! Eeeeeww. Well, it hurt like heck getting them removed:'(
  • 5.1 Referral to Physical Therapy
  • Cancer be GONE! All 15 tumors.

Dr.Wang  

  • 5.1   Review treatments/pathology/Exam
  • 5.14 Chemo Education/Lab/Financial Counseling(2-3hrs)
  • 5.21 Treatment #1 (2-3hrs)
  • 5.22 Injection (30 mins)

God has given me a five star team of doctor's for my care- I'm so blessed to have such an AMAZING team:)

XO

Nicole
PORT is under skin- (currently healing) All Chemo Treatments are done via PORT
My Room: D1034
Get Well Soon Flowers from "The Biddies"

One week of pain pills (GEE WIZZ)