2015

Last year at this time, I was just finishing treatments. I couldn't wait until the 26th! Yes, that is correct, the day "after" Christmas, because that marked the END of my cancer battle. It was my last treatment day! 12/26/13!!! I couldn't wait. It was the best gift and all my family and friends were drawing near the countdown. It did feel good, you know, to make it. TO WIN! All year my mind was fixed on this date. The light at the end of the tunnel. There were many storms during that year even up to Christmas Day when my sister lost her dear father-in-law. Tears on Christmas. I felt like "....is it ever going to stop dear Lord?" But I dare go there....I felt like saying cliche's like "....it can't get any worse" was a curse. I just kept thanking God for bringing us all through each trial, each storm. I thought I can't WAIT until 2014! New year! No more cancer!

No one warned me about healing. No one prepared me or my mind or my family for HEALING! No one said, "Ok, this first year is for your battle, then after the battle the second year is for your body, mind and soul to heal" and sometimes it's just as hard if not harder then year one! So prepare! Remember, there is no timeline and no right/wrong. Some days are great and others aren't so great. You've been through a whirlwind of pain and trauma and it will take some time to "bounce back". All I heard was "....I'm trying to get used to the "new me", but it's tough!" from other women. I didn't understand what the "new you" or "new ME" even meant during the battle. My only focus was to WIN!!! And I did!!!! I fought! I prayed! I WON!!!!! So why didn't it feel as good as I thought it would? Where was the confetti and champagne? Where was the music? The smiles and celebrations? The pain can go now....I'm done! No really, I'm done....this pain can go now. It's going to go, right? Does it every go? Hello? Anyone? Anyone there?

2014 was emotional in more ways then one. Everyday I thanked the Lord for saving me, but I had questions too? Why? Why go through all that and not be able to go back to work? My job needs me, wants me and they offered me a great offer....but I'm not HEALED! Ok, maybe another 30 days? More physical theapy? Eating clean? Praying? Yoga and stretching? Counseling? Ok, Ok, Rest...I will rest. Just tell me what to do to HEAL? Oh, there is no book on healing? Oh, let me google: "How to recover from cancer when you're diagnosed at 35 from stage 3, have surgery (left masectomy and lymph node discetion, 14 treatments of chemotherapy, and 35 radiations treatments, and I live with my parents and my husband works two jobs (on in WA and one in  CA) and I have two teen age girls....and...I don't feel the same, look the same or recognize myself, but I'm ALIVE!!! Help me get used to the new me?" (click search now) This is what came up.

I guess Google doesn't know "everything"! Lol. So I turned to God, like I do in most circumstances where I feel I hit a dead end painful road and have NO one to relate or Google doesn't have answers. He said, "You will be healed." But there was no date like when my treatments ended. It's like I sometimes look the calendar and wonder, is this the day? Is this the healing day where I feel normal again? When my creative mind and my sharp memory return? Maybe I need a weave so I can feel beautiuful because I miss my hair? Maybe if I just eat better? Maybe if I just sleep 8 hours and get up at the same time everyday? Maybe if I try harder? Again. Praying God told me, "You don't have to do anything, it takes time." It's hard to swallow. I was sick over a year before cancer, a year during cancer and now healed a year and I'm just starting to see the light but it's still a long road. And don't think just because people battle a disease, life gives them passes, because it feels sorry for them. Bills still come, kids get sick, cars break down, life goes on....and the ONLY way to get through LIFE is with GOD.

I haven't always been the best example of a Christian, but what is? I can honestly say that Jesus has carried me from day one, I've never really done anything without Him. I can say that He is my number #1 and always will be. I'm not perfect and never will be, but He is my light. It will never go out and I never have to worry about Him leaving my side. He always makes a way, He makes the impossible, possible. He weeds out people that shouldn't be there, and replaces the ones who should. He always has your best interest, even when you don't understand. He uses those who you feel are suffereing, to help others. He used me many times, when I thought I was nothing but a very sick girl in bed, to encourage those around me (online and in person). I had no idea that He was going to use me more, going through storms, then when I was up and going. Because I'd get in the way...I  would "do" too much! I don't leave room for Him to "do"!! Now I get it!

Through all of this my-the greatest gift is my relationship with God & it has grown and it's unbreakable. I'm not afriad to live or die. I take everyday as a gift (even if I have the flu). There is always 3 goods you can pull out of everday, regardless. My marriage is less then 2 years young, but we are stronger then most married 25years+. He's blessed me with two mini me's (Mahllie and Tasia), & we have grown amazing boys (Daniel Jr. and Brandon) and watching them grow is a daily gift. I have it all. Sometimes I still feel broken, but in my heart, I know I have it all. We don't have all the "things" and "status" and "money" as most in this world, but we have each other. We have a family that loves the Lord, and loves each other, and it feels complete. We both have very large families (both our parents are alive and well) we sisters, kids, we have cousins, and aunties and I'm SO blessed my Grandpa Facchini is still with us!! I'm married to a man that is loyal and loves me for me. We have a special bond that is very rare and I cherish him. We have it all. We have love, and love heals.

I haven't updated in a while...life got so crazy it felt like I didn't have much to say "positive" but I think healing takes a break from talking or writing or posting and truly gives energy to what is needed. Keep fighting, Keep praying, keep Winning! That is not just for cancer or people battling, it's for life. It's a life MOTTO!! Fight. Pray. Win! God put that in my head the same day I was diagnosed and it truly has motivated me each day, to not give up. To keep going even when you feel you can not. To keep your mind strong. Phil 4:13 I can do ALL things through CHRIST who strengthens ME! That's the only way.....truly.

As we get ready to celebrate Christmas, I want to wish everyone out there, a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Praying for good health, joy, love and healing in 2015! I just have a feeling it is going to be a year of blessings! I love you all <3

XO

Nicole

It's been a while....

I just realized it's been a while....my heart broke in a million pieces after losing my dear Grandma last October. I drew the line. I just couldn't write anymore. I was tired, sad, and I couldn't even put my emotions into words. 

Today is now June 25,2014!! It's been 8 months since my last chemo (PRAISE THE LORD) and my curls are growing back (slowly but surely). I'm 6 months post radiation treatments as well. I'm overall very happy & blessed to be enjoying the start of summer with my family. I'm currently "in remission" meaning that my oncologist & surgeon don't see any signs of cancer in my body. Yayyyoooowhooooooooo! :) 

Everything is healing well, despite severe nerve damage. I pray daily that God will touch my body & all the pain will fade. I walk, practice gentle yoga, stretch & strengthen, and eat clean. I believe that is doing my part while healing, by taking care of myself. I'm currently unable to tolerate "Tamoxifen"...It's a drug that is suppose to suppress my estrogen levels, with hopes to keep the cancer away. Unfortunately, my body can't tolerate the side effects. So, I eat organic as possible, & I've cut out dairy, wheat, processed foods, alcohol, refined sugar & I'm working on cutting out caffeine (a struggle lol). I've also been taking Vitamin B12, Biotin, High levels of Probiotics, Vitamin C & D as well as Turmeric!

I will have many blood draws, check-ups, & more over the next five years. I'm still active in physical therapy, seeing Maggie weekly, working on my left side (swelling & pain) It's been over 2 years of being sick in bed watching "summer" my favorite month pass by without me. Last summer was extremely difficult being sick during chemo. So each day I wake up this summer, I smile! I remind myself that it's so much better then it was before. I continue to say "I'm healed" and believe it. It was a constant struggle to finish cancer treatments & now "heal" without replaying the horror of it all in my mind, each day. To heal emotionally, mentally & physically takes prayer, perseverance & patience. I did fight! I did pray! And I did win! Amen!

Last years was the hardest year of my life. Although it also held, one of my most favorite days, in my entire life! Marrying my best friend, Daniel. The sweet private ceremony was perfect, held at sunset on my parents property. This year we get to celebrate our 1st year anniversary & wedding vow renewal, in the Bay Area with Daniel's family (and some of mine). It will be in Berkeley,CA on 7.19.14 on a sunny Saturday...We are doing it BIG this time! A full celebration of life, survivorship, love & more! I'm truly excited to share this day with our family & friends. I never imagined walking down the isle in a wedding gown...smiling at my better half...feeling the excitement & love in the air...it's going to be beautiful & amazing.

Continue to pray for my healing. For my family & for our medical bills that continue to pile high. I know God has a perfect plan for us & will take care of the rest. The most important is that I'm alive! Amen! That I beat this disease that is trying to take over the world. So many young, old, even babies are being diagnosed daily. I pray for each one, each family fighting for their love one, each child fighting for their life, each grandmother fighting to see another day, and for all the medical staff & cancer researchers to continue improving medications & treatments. For all the dedicated surgeons, oncologists, nurses & more helping to save lives. I pray for them all. I'm very grateful for my life. I celebrate each day (the little victories as Daniel would say.) 

I'm still on long-term disability. I did get a few job offers, but had to decline, as my body isn't ready to return to work yet. I will know when I'm able...but it was flattering being offered a great position from a respected company. Well that's a wrap for now! I will make sure to fill in the blanks soon & upload wedding pictures come July! 

Hope you're all doing well & I miss you all very much!!



XO

Nicole

I love you Grandma Facchini...

I just love my grandma more than words. There are too many memories to even begin to share...but my mind is full of love and thankfulness, when I reflect on the past. My childhood....growing up into adulthood I've been so blessed with such a fun, funny, loving and kind grandparents. My grandma always welcomed me with a kiss and hug. Each time I saw her was a good time. Even if it was just sitting with her talking with the ball game in the background or having tea and sharing a goodie from Starbucks. It didn't matter the occasion or visit, it felt good. It always felt good being around her. She made me laugh and my heart smile. I really don't remember a time I argued with her? I know there were a few times we had serious talks, but she always seemed so understanding. She always showed me love. I was her oldest grandchild and we had a close bond. She made each one of her grandkids feel special...and her great grandkids too. She had six kids and she loved them so much. Each of them loved her so much too and it was so amazing to see all of them come together to help care for her over these last few months. My grandpa is amazing. Watching him care for her & continue to love her until her last breath, was the sweetest and most compassionate thing I've ever seen. My sweet grandma went to Heaven on the morning of October 23, 2013...Now she can rest in paradise and will not have to suffer or feel any more pain. No more cancer. No more medicine. Just the wonderful rest & eternal life with Jesus....freedom!!! I cry because I miss her...I cry because I love her. She will forever be in my heart and my memory...so I may cry at random for the rest of my life missing her...until I see her again in Heaven.

Thank you grandma for being so sweet to me....thank you for being you! I will blow you kisses to Heaven, since I can't kiss your cheeks right now!

I love you.....Nicole

Grandma Facchini and my cousin Lauren at Pete & Leslie's house! Summer time:)

Chemo: Complete. Radiation: Up next!

Hello everyone! It's been a LONG while since I've updated this...due to chemo being such a LONG process. I was mostly in bed & doing treatments...just praying to get through it all!!! Chemo finally ended on Oct.14, 2013 PRAISE THE LORD!!! It was a surprise for me actually, because I was supposed to have 16 treatments, but Dr. Wang decided 14 was enough! Due to my feet/hands having severe pain, from the neuropathy, I was told NOT to continue....so I graduated early, yippee! Crystal my sister was with me, so I was very happy to celebrate with her:) I also went to a celebration lunch with my Mom...we both cried tears of joy when I saw her with my certificate of completion. Chemo was very hard on not only me, but everyone taking care of me. Thank you Mom & Rick...my husband Daniel...and sweet daughters, Tasia & Mahllie. I couldn't have made it without you guys. Thank you Crystal for all your help being my sister, friend and financial advocate. Emily, my dear friend, you helped me so much as you battle cancer yourself...thank you for being there. And to everyone that took time to text, write, call & visit me during treatments. I needed you all!

I'm now resting and trying to recover, from all the side effects of chemo, before I start radiation. I will get a total of 4 weeks off before radiation starts on (Monday) 11/4.......I went to a scanning last week- were they took a CT scan mapping out exactly places where radiation will take place. Only on my left side, under my arm & left breast area. They also placed 3 tattoos...small dots (on both sides, and the center of my chest) so that it will align perfectly each session. I plan to have 35 treatments (5 days/week for 7 weeks). Chemo was to prevent any caner cells from forming in my my body, after they removed the tumors during surgery. Radiation targets exactly where the cancer was found, as an additional form of prevention from cancer returning to my body. It will have some side effects, but nothing like chemo. I've been told that you feel fatigue, and later during treatment I could suffer skin irritation and possible muscle bruising. I feel like after 14 chemo sessions, I can make it!!! lol.

Next week I see Dr. Wang on 10/28 to make sure I'm healing okay from chemo, then on 10/30 I have a mammogram on my right side to make sure everything is okay. I pray there is no concerns.

I'm still going to physical therapy twice a week to help with the range of motion, pain, and swelling in my left arm. I really enjoy my Italian Physical Therapist (Maggy) she's helped me so much, plus her sense of humor makes me laugh. She really enjoys giving my husband a bad time. Everyone there likes him...he's the only one I know that gets offered coffee w/ cream when he walk in the clinic lol. Only him!

I will try to keep you all posted more frequently! Thank you again everyone for all the prayers and love. I pray that God protects me for any severe side effects and radiation goes smoothly:)

XO

Nicole

10/10

Laying in bed watching Love & Basketball while my toes dry (painted them orange to match my fingernails). I keep painting them over and over because my nails are turning black from Chemo:( There are so many crazy side effects!! It's amazing God gives my body the strength to endure the poison of Chemotherapy killing cancer cells. Overall I'm doing quite well...and I'm so grateful.

On Monday, 7/1 I will have my last of the BIG round, of chemo!! Then Tuesday, 7/2 is my last injection (to increase blood count). I'm so happy because that really makes my legs and body ache bad. I will then wait a few weeks to start my weekly phase 2 of chemo (12 weeks)...should end by October (seems a long way out) but at least I'm going through these treatments during summer when the sun shines and it's gorgeous. I think it would be hard to start treatments in the winter when it's all cold and rainy. My birthday is July 16th so that week I'm going to take OFF! Mycle Wastman is performing that week in Seattle (free concert) during lunch by Westlake that my mom is going to take me too! I just love hearing him perform.

I'm so happy to be engaged to a wonderful man, Daniel Carter Jr.! He got down on one knee today and asked me to marry him. He said come here (I was laying down on bed) so I sat up and pushed myself over to him...he got down on one knee and said, "You know I love you right?" I said,"Yes, I do and I love you"...then he said, "Will you marry me?" I said, "YES!!!!!!!" of course I'm so in love with him he just completes me. We are planning a wedding for 10.10.14 on the beach in Hawaii (with receptions to follow-one in WA and one in CA due to the fact we have such large families living in both places). I want to get married on 10.10 because Daniel is my number 1, my ACE, my best friend and he's my 10/10 so it's a perfect day!!!

It's always been my dream to get married on the beach:) White linen flowing in the sunshine...beautiful blue water and warm breeze. My kids in their all white holding tropical bouquets and my mom/dad/my sister Crystal and bro in law Eric/Plus his family smiling standing with us. Simple. Less is More. Then we can all have a few days to snorkel and body surf all enjoying each other-then we can fly to another island for our honeymoon and just relax. Life is so good. Even today, I can dream. I dream about being healthy and enjoying my married life...and family. Having BBQ's and get together at our new home. Our family dog(s). Just that unconditional love & light enjoying our girls and raising them right.

It seems I'm always awake at 2am every since I had surgery. I'm not sure why but it could be the meds. I have to set my alarm to take my meds around the clock so I don't get sick. But my pain level never really goes below a 5 on a scale of 1-10, so its hard to sleep long periods of time. I'm still in physical therapy- which hurts, but it helps in the long run...I need my full range of motion back from my lymph nodes being removed. I never thought "numb" meant "pain". When the surgeon's were telling me what to expect they would use the word numbness. It means PAIN! lol. I'm working through it and I'm getting better each day...just takes time. I will be very happy when my pain level goes down. All these medications are hard on my body.

I love all the support I get! I can't thank you all enough- it's like each day God sends someone to encourage me in some way and it works! I never go a day without someone encouraging me. I love it! The Fight. Pray. WIN! is a true movement and I pray it continues so I can encourage others battling a disease. I'm working on getting trademark & non-profit paperwork going with the help of some amazing ladies. I know God put me here in this place for a reason. I have a purpose in life to get the victory of the people (my name means Nicole: Victory of the People) so I know my testimony will save lives and souls. My testimony will help people that don't have much support and give them hope. I pray daily for God's strength and he never fails me. Since day one I've had peace. Regardless of all the pain and tears, my peace is strong. I thank Him for my peace. I know he will heal my body and cure me of cancer! I have the FAITH! I thank him for prayer...I'm in my bible so much and praying so much-it truly helps me.

Never take your health or life for granted! Take time to enjoy the beauty of this world God gives us. Take time to look at flowers and appreciate them. Take time to hug your kids and/or parents and tell them you love them. This hurtle in my life has really taught me to lean on God 100% and to love harder and live!!! I love flowers people bring me and cards they send. It's all so loving and needed. He sends the sunshine to warm me and he provides excellent doctor's that call to just check on me to see how I'm feeling. He provides money that I don't have a way of making...always right on time. He never fails me. Thank you Jesus for my life, for my family and for never leaving my side:)

XO

Nicole

Oh Happy Day!

Oh happy Day! 

(Still camera ready-no hair, don't care)

To order hat: www.watakeover.com

XO

Nicole

What's the 411 hun?

It's been a while since I've given a TRUE update. Here's a quick one:)

How am I doing? Where are you at in treatment? Is there anything you NEED? Let's just say no matter what I give all Glory to God each day for bringing me through. It's not easy. No matter how strong I look behind this Internet, in person or writing this...God is my strength 100% and I couldn't do a day of this without him carrying me through.


1.  Chemotherapy 

One word: Sucks. I'm half way through the "hard part" so they say....

Phase one: Adriamycin + Cytoxan every two weeks for 4 treatments

(after each treatment I will return the following day, to get an injection to help increase my white blood cells count) I've done 2 treatments (PRAISE THE LORD) and have my next scheduled for 6/17 at 9:45am followed by the injection on 6/18 11am...PRAY FOR ME!! These are extremely hard for me to take. I'm very weak and feel horrible during this week of treatment, so I need all the prayers going up :) Thank you! 

Phase Two: Taxol weekly for 12 weeks They say my hair will start to grow back during this phase and that it won't cause me to be quite as nausea. There is chance of my hands & feet becoming tingly or numb, so pray this doesn't happen.

2. Physical Therapy

I attend Summit Physical Therapy twice a week with Maggy to work on range of motion for my left arm. Surgery- removing 14 lymph nodes has left me with a very painful arm that doesn't have much range of motion. I need this to be 100% by the time I have radiation which is after chemo. Maggy is awesome, she really helps my self esteem and works with me to get my range back. I do massage therapy and then stretch to see where my numbers are at each time. Then, I work with an assistant on a variety of stretches and exercise that help me improve. This helps my pain level and stiffness.

3. Radiation

This comes later...after chemo I will get 4 weeks off to heal before I start 35 radiation sessions. My prayers for this would be to not get lymphoma, which can happen since I had lymph nodes removed. It would cause my arm to swell. I pray that I don't have or will ever get signs of lymphoma. AMEN!! 

4. Overall health

I'm doing well considering everything I'm going through physically. I have minor side effects from chemo (being nausea- but controlling it with great meds- runny nose and eyes (common from chemo) my eyes are sensitive to light, dizzy at times, & very fatigue. My white blood count gets extremely low after the first week so I'm mostly in the house...I don't take many trips out (I hate the car anyways-makes me feel sick and dizzy) unless I really need to for appointment or something small. I'm eating okay and always drinking lots of water and tea:) My hair is falling out daily and it kind of hurts...I would shave it but due to infections I'm not going to use the clippers. My spirits are good...especially today since I finally feel better. But I've never had to go to hospital or be in hospital during chemo, no fevers, no severe side effects.

I do cry a lot even though I don't like too...sometimes it's all I can express. Maybe all the years of "not" crying are being let out. I pray and read the Bible daily...I pray for others (I have a huge prayer wall). I've met some really good friends online and in person over the last month that are true angels. Cameron and Emily are a few to name...both check on me regularly and are the most positive people, they really help me daily. God works in mysterious ways...I'm thankful for everyone that makes me smile rep'n Fight! Pray! Win! in some way. I think I get at least one a day and it's so inspires me. 

5. My Mom

She is my light. I don't know what I would do without her unconditional love and patience. She's always checking on me and making sure that I'm okay. She makes me laugh when I need too, and cry when she prays for me. She will drop everything and hold my hand...if I'm doing bad. She gives rides to all my appointments, waits no matter how long, & never complains and is always positive trying to help. She helps not just me, but my girls. Get to and from school (we are so happy is OUT) and doing other things to keep them busy and happy. She's the best grandma they could ask for! I love my mom dearly and I'm so thankful for her each second of the day.

6. Donations 

I'm so thankful for everything I get...God knows exactly what is needed and seems to provide. You can pass the website for ordering T-shirts & bands (or order one yourself) lol. Here's the links you can pass around if you feel lead too. God really is providing everything! Tanks tops coming soon for summer (saving Hoodie's for fall) and another new band coming soon!!! 

Blog: http://fightpraywin.blogspot.com/

Website: www.fightpraywin.com

Donations: http://www.gofundme.com/fightpraywin

7. I'm in love with Daniel & you never know....I might just be married sooner then later.

Until next time, 

XO 

Nicole