Calm in the midst of the storm....that's how it seemed today. Tears fell down my face several times, but my spirit has remained calm, in the midst of the storm. God gave me a dream on Monday 3.25.13 that cancer was in my left breast, so when the doctor's told me today that I had breast cancer, I didn't event blink. My mom was in shock, the doctor's were in shock, but I was calm.
God prepared me with peace for today- it seems unreal. Surreal. Not exactly a "dream come true" you image, but he warned me- and I was prepared. I've had so many emotions today- too many to describe, but I thank the Lord most for peace.
I prayed looking up at the sky "Luna Bella" my mom texted me-"beautiful moon" (Italian) & I went outside. It was beautiful-it was full with a halo around it and simple clouds. Frogs sang around the pond in our neighborhood and I looked up and cried- asking God, "Why?" feeling very small...I was crying to Him telling Him I was afraid-& that I was worried about my kids- I cried, "How do I tell them?" He said, "Be calm- you have the victory! I will be your strength."
I will be leaning on God for strength & courage, because I am weak. I feel weak. My mom said that was good, because when you are weak, He is strong. I really have no idea what I'm made of- but God believes in me. God won't give me more then I can handle. I'm a savage. My baby said that I'm a savage, and I like that! Daniel Carter, I love you. He told me to read this verse every night before I go to bed:
"But he was pierced for our transgressions,he was crushed for our iniquities;the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed."
Isaiah 53:5
I love that about Daniel-he's a strong man. He has a strong faith in God, and reminds me that God has our backs, & that He is in control and will heal me. I'm so thankful for my mom & dad, my man, my kids and my family & friends. They will encourage me through this next journey of life. My kids inspire me and they will keep me fighting. Everyday seeing their faces makes me smile & I feel so loved. They make me laugh at simple things with their amazing sense of humor-they are so funny! I'm so blessed to have you Mahllie & Tasia- you're both my angels.
I started this blog before many of you even know I got diagnosed today- to express myself and have a place to share. It's not easy telling people bad news- there is never a good time, to tell people bad news. You're never prepared to give bad news and right now I'm not prepared for the response. So bare with me through this- if I seem distant- because things are moving very fast for me- it's hard to soak up everything. I'll be sharing here to keep everyone updated- feel free to leave comments- I'll try to respond when I can & I really do appreciate all your love & prayers...I truly do.
I call this blog: Fight. Pray. Win. It means I'm going to FIGHT with God's strength and power through this, and clam my health back 100%. I'm going to PRAY w/out ceasing and I need prayers from all of you too. I have a battle ahead of me and need prayer warriors! I'm going to WIN victory over cancer, WIN hearts for Jesus, and WIN eternal life in Heaven. So no matter what- I WILL WIN! because my heart and soul is for the Lord Jesus Christ & with HIm on my side I can not fail. Fight. Pray. Win. that is our motto:)
XO-
Nicole
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